i don't like sucking hair
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
