So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
