Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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