JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
