I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
