I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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