hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
