last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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