Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
