I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
