is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
