he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
love makes seman taste better
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
