Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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