Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We named our party play list daddy issues
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
