I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
