i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
