so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
