i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
