My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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