I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
