I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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