didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So much rum. So many feels.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
