Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
