Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
