At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
