Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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