We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's never too late to be topless.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
