Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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