Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
