Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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