I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
