I met the friendliest cop last night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize