just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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