I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
