Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
