Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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