Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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