stop calling my apartment porn island.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
