I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
