I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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