I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize