my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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