We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
