You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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