I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
