Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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