I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
