UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
