she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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