I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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