How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you guys were way drunker than both of me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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