VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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