but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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