those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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