my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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