Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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