Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
