i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
