So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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