Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize