I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
