Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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