I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
