His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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