so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
