There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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