Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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