I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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