I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
