She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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