You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
