dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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