Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
