no, he came in my armpit
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
