hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The beer is more important than you right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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