you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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