Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
