the condom got lost in my hair
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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