i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
