And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
