Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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