One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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