i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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