That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
