Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
