My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
