my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
