go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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