11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
